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Apr 08, 2009

Love is Terrible

I was lounging alone at the beach, watching the waves crash upon the shore while the salty, cool, misty breeze blew through my hair. About 50 yards ahead, there were a couple of hot girls in string bikinis giggling as they walked towards me with margaritas in their hands. The more attractive of the two established eye contact with me right away and began walking straight towards me. I looked around to make sure it was me she was really looking at. Amazingly, the 20-something girl sat next to me and handed me an ice-cold margarita. She smiled seductively and said, "I bought this drink for the most attractive man on the beach." I was shocked, almost speechless. It was obvious that this girl wanted me and all I could do was sit back and enjoy the attention.
Darin Hufford Beach
Then she actually licked her finger, put it in my drink, and stirred the ice around.  With a seductive look, she pulled her finger out and reached it towards my mouth for me to taste. Not wanting to make her feel embarrassed and because she was pretty and I was thirsty, I opened my mouth. The margarita had made her finger cold and salty, but it was nice because the sun was out and it was a hot day. As I was savoring the salty flavor in my mouth, I heard what sounded like a seagull choking on a piece of fish. "Daah daah daah."  I looked around the beach to see what kind of an animal would make such a sound. I heard it again; "Daah, daah, daah," but couldn't decide where it was coming from.
Just then, something clenched onto my right cheek and began jerking and pulling as if it were trying to remove a chunk. It was painful. That was when I opened my eyes and realized that I had been dreaming. That margarita salt I tasted in my mouth was still very much alive. It was alive because my one-year-old son, Jude, was lying on my chest facing me, with his snotty nose directly in my mouth. He had a chunk of my cheek in his little fist, digging his uncut fingernails into my skin, trying to wake me up, chanting, "Daaa daaa daaa," waiting for me to open my eyes.
Fifteen years ago, I had a life full of dreams and goals. I had financial plans that would make me a millionaire by the age of 30. I drove a BMW and a brand-new motorcycle. I owned expensive things and had exquisite taste. It was nothing for me to drop a hundred dollars a night in a pricy restaurant. Everything was good. My sights were aimed high and my "to-do list" included climbing Mount Everest, making movies, and being on the cover of Forbes Magazine. My health was at its best and I was physically stronger than anyone I knew. The sky was the limit for me 15 years ago.

One night, almost ten years ago, I sat in the hospital with my young wife, having no idea that I was just hours away from an event so catastrophic that my entire life as I knew itDarin Hufford light would come to an abrupt end. It was the birth-day of my first child, Landin. For me, it felt as though I was waiting for something in the mail. I had no idea what was about to happen. It didn't even register with me that my dreams and goals were about to dissolve into nothing. I honestly thought I would go on as before, living my life and chasing my dreams. For me, having a new baby was about as significant as buying a dog or a cat. It may take a little extra time and money, but life would go on as it did before. I wasn't prepared for what was about to take place in my heart.

About five hours after Landin was born, her mother was asleep in the hospital bed, it was the middle of the night and I was holding a miracle. This was our first time alone and in a span of about three minutes, an infant destroyed everything that meant anything in my life. My goals and dreams that weighed so heavy on my list of priorities, suddenly became shallow and uninteresting. The possessions that defined my very existence and validated my manhood, became nothing more than a pile of rocks.

Darin Hufford BurnThe wife who used to look upon me as the hope of her future, no longer thought and dreamed only of me. In fact, I was put at the bottom of the list. I suddenly went from number one, to number two, in the space of an hour. I went from being footloose and fancy-free to being a prisoner in my own home. No longer could I dine at fancy restaurants and stay out till the wee morning hours. I couldn't even meet a friend at Starbucks for a cup of coffee. My sleep time that was formerly sacred, had been pillaged and red uced to a few hours a night (if I was lucky).

In the following weeks and months, my healthy body began to accept viruses that it had not known since childhood. I was sick more in six months than I was in the previous 30 years. The sleep deprivation began to take a toll and the only thing that kept me going was the hope that things would soon change. Little did I know at that time; I wouldn't catch up on my sleep for another 15 years.

In a very real way, the day Landin was born, I never made it out of the hospital alive. I left all that I thought to be me, in room 201, and I have never been the same. My heart went from being securely and safely protected beneath a sternum and ribcage, to being haphazardly pinned to the shirt of a wobbling one-year-old girl who ran into things and fell on her face 60 times a day. Up until that time, the most terrible thing I could imagine happening in my life was death itself. The image of my death became nothing in comparison to the pain and suffering I would endure if I lost this little child.

In all my years, I can honestly say that when I was given my first child I was given something a thousand times more terrible than anything I had ever imagined. I was given LOVE. The strength and power of that love was so potent that it literally dissolved the fleshDarin Hufford bomb from my heart. Every selfish mind-set and mentality that I had picked up in my life came floating to the top and was thrown away. All that was left, was the true me, and a baby named Landin.

When I use the word "terrible," I mean it in a literal sense. It is so huge, so extreme, so audacious, that the only word that accurately describes love is the word terrible. It's not for the faint-at-heart or squeamish. It can overtake an entire life in a matter of minutes.

I know several men who were married with children and one day they announced that they were leaving the wife and kids for another woman. I find that when this happens, I am rarely surprised. It doesn't surprise me because I observed a lack of terribleness in their love for their family long before they made the decision to leave. These men didn't miss a beat when their children were born. Nothing changed for them. They still had their night out with the guys, they still did all the things they wanted to do. Having a child was nothing more than owning a new toy. I could see their mild love manifest in every word and action.

When love is not terrible; terrible things happen. People get injured in terrible ways and sometimes never fully recover. I've come to believe that the most dangerous thing in the world is a non-terrible love.

I admire Oprah Winfrey for her efforts in bringing child molesters to justice. She has exposed a world of darkness in our country that has become an epidemic. It almost seems hopeless when we hear of the dreadful statistics of how many children are molested in our generation. I think we should track down every child molester in America and prosecuteDarin Hufford missing them to the fullest extent. I'll even tell you that I personally believe that such an offense is deserving of the death penalty. I secretly long for the day in which that will be the consequences for harming a child in our country.

Having said all of that, I would like to also say that I DON'T believe that the epidemic of child molestation can be stopped by the death penalty or any other means of punishment to the pedophile. In fact, I don't believe that focusing our attention on the pedophile is the correct beginning point. Though we need to attack them with a vengeance, I believe the problem is far deeper than them. I honestly believe that with the vast majority of cases where a child is molested in our country, the blame belongs to the child's parents.  Truthfully, I am surprised that no one has ever stated what seems to me to be the obvious precursor to child molestation. I've never seen it addressed once in the media.  

When I was a Pastor, I was able to predict with stunning accuracy which children would some day be molested and which children would most likely never be molested. I told three sets of parents in one month alone that it was either presently happening to their child or it was about to happen and in every case, I was right. I could accurately predict this by gauging the amount of terribleness there was in the love of the parents for their children. I observed two kinds of parents: Those whose lives were about them, and those whose lives were about their children.

When love is not terrible, single moms date men on the internet and leave their children with a sitter they barely know. When love is not terrible, parents allow their children tospend the night with someone at school whose parents they've never met, they let their kids run the neighborhood unsupervised all day. A terrible love surrounds itself around the object of its affection and life becomes about protecting and covering that person.

Every single time I see a set of parents on television who are being interviewed about their child being molested, I find myself shaking my head within the first five minutes of the interview saying, "Figures." In the first 30 seconds of the interview, it is almost always more than obvious that they do not possess a terrible love for anyone but themselves. You can see it in their decision-making and thought processes. I find that parents who do possess a terrible love are usually watching the show and screaming at their television sets, "You did what????" "You left your child with whom???" Darin Hufford h"What the hell were you thinking???"

Let me say here that I know that there are exceptions to this. There are indeed incidents where a molester can get to a child even when his or her parents have a terrible love. Sometimes it just happens, but I have found that it rarely happens! Ninety percent of the time, I find that the parents of a molested child share the same characteristics. Their life is about them; not their children. I know this is bound to offend many people, but if you just observe what I'm talking about, I'm sure you'll recognize it.

I can't tell you how many times I've met a set of parents and came away sincerely worried about their child's well-being. I personally believe that the epidemic of child molestation in America needs to be stopped. I don't believe that pointing the finger at the molester only, is the answer. It's important, but it's not the only answer. I honestly feel that the parents of the child are the ones at fault most of the time. This is a non-terrible generation. Our love isn't terrible any more, and our children suffer because of it.

I don't even think that life begins until we give ourselves over to terrible love. Our constant resistance to it is the cause of most of the pain and disfunction in the world. Love must be allowed to dominate our hearts and swallow us completely. It's the nature of Love to expand and overtake us. If we fight against that; everyone around us well feel the affects. Choking love is a dangerous action. I think it's the reason for the increase in mental illness in America. Almost every horrible thing that happens on our country can be traced back to a non-terrible love. 

Darin Hufford

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  1. Gravatar

    how do you get to the terrible love? it seems for you it took a child being born to make love terrible, a matter of life and death. for myself i want that terrible love, i want it to consume me however more often than not it seems i'm worried about me and consequences to me ... Is my love terrible?

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    Darin Hufford

    Vincent, I don't think there is a formula really. I know that having children is extremely intense and usually does the trick for many people. However I experienced terrible love before I had children, so I think it's more of a choice. I look at it as a decision to meditate on someone. Allowing yourself to meditate on them until you are completely full and in love. As far as determining what it looks like; that's impossible because it's different with every person. I wouldn't analyze your love too much Vincent. You'll never feel like you've arrived. Just love and meditate on the one you love. At least that's what I do.:)

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    Joshua Guild

    Terrible love comes from choosing freedom and freedom isn't alway that obvious nor is it always an easy choice to make. You have to be present to see an object of love and fully experience this type of love. This afternoon I will sit out in the warm sunlight, feel the breeze in my hair, read a book that I love and more then likely my loving dog Lucy will jump up in my lap to lick my face. Being present allows you to be in the moment and in the moment you will begin to see things that you never noticed before. Worry, anger and fear are presence kidnappers. We either possess or we become possessed. Mat 13:12 For whoever has, to him more will be given, and he will have abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.

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    What do you think about people who give their children up for adoption?

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    Darin Hufford

    Obviously it's a different story every time. I think when someone truly does it with the child's best interest in mind it is beautiful. When a person does it with their own best interest in mind, I find that they suffer for a very long time after the fact. In my mind it must be the hardest thing to do in the world. I would have to have them take the baby away without me ever seeing him or her. I respect anyone who had to go through that. I've got a few friends who had to do that and I don't know how they did it. It was hard on them, but at the time they felt it was best for the child.

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    I did not start out having terrible love. Or maybe I did and that's what made my life so miserable. When my first child was born, I went into a deep depression that lasted for a few years. This was because I was so pampered growing up that I was totally convinced that life was indeed about me. I could not wrap my brain around the fact that someone in the world was more important than me. But I did treat my child like he was more important than me. I was not happy about it for a long time. I begged God regularly to make me a better mother. It was my heart's cry for many years. Slowly over the years, my heart became more willing to lay my life down for my kids. I no longer felt like I was fighting myself to do what I knew I should. Terrible love gained more and more ground in me.

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    "misty breeze blew through my hair".

    Darin you must have been dreaming!

  8. Gravatar

    That was a really good answer, I feel the same way. Thanks.

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    Continued....Now, I experience what Darin talks about in The God's Honest Truth. I have found that after years of really putting my kids best interests above my own, makes their hearts like an open book to me. I know them inside and out. Even when they try to hide, their hiding is in plain view to my loving eyes. It has been an incredible journey of learning and loving. I would not trade these years with my kids for anything. Almost everything I know about God is because of my relationship with my family. Terrible love indeed. It requires everything from you. But what you get in return is priceless.....real revelation knowledge of God's Love.

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    I agree 100%! Being a parent is both the hardest and the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Such terrible love is the only thing that gets you through the midnight vomit cleanups, going to the bathroom with the company of a crying toddler, and kissing your sleep goodbye for 15 years. I know! Once I stood up at a "stranger danger" session at a police station and said I believe 90% of the child abductions wouldn't happen if people would just watch and be mindful over their children. The officer teaching the class clearly didn't care for my comment, nor did several of the other parents. I stood my ground though. I'm glad you posted this.

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    Darin Hufford

    We decided a long time ago to NOT teach our children "Stranger-Danger." Our philosophy is to teach our children to talk to strangers, and we'll watch them in the process. If a stranger approaches my child and I'm not there to protect them, it's MY fault. I know there are exceptions but I'm speaking in general.

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    Darin, I've been a fan of yours for sometime. I don't know how you got "dialed in" on this but I believe you are correct. I have been a policeman for twenty years, the last ten as a detective investigating mainly child sex crimes. I'm also a three times Dad with a "terrible love", so I'm now number four on my dear wife's priority list and wouldn't have it any other way. We parents are the first and main line of defense for our kids. Yes, a concerted attempt, (ambush), by a determined criminal might breach our defenses but thankfully that's not the norm. He usually will "pass" and go for the weaker target, sadly. Younger and disabled kids are most at risk as they have NO internal defense usually. If your child's safty is not foremost always, they are more at risk. I've seen it too much.

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    Darin Hufford

    Greg, I don't know how you do it. I respect you more than I can say. I'm sure you see what I'm talking about more the anyone. You can predict who's child is at risk simply by watching the parents. It's sad, but true. I wish someone would do a television show on this because it just seems so obvious. I am a fan of yours Greg. Thank you for what you do.

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    John Fincher

    My wife's pregnancy became real to me the moment I held my first daughter more than twenty years ago. Before then, it was just something SHE was going thru and I was merely attending to her needs while SAYING I understood what was going on when I didn't have an f-ing clue.

    When I held that little baby with tears in my eyes (and also now as I write this) the enormous responsibility of it all came crashing down on me - terribly - forever changing ME and my perspective on what this life means.

    Thanks for the post.

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    Thanks for writing this Darin, so many heart issues can be covered up by our "theological" discussions. I am expecting my first Child right now an am overwhelmed (in a good way) with the level of responsibility I have for my baby. The first week I found out I went through some emotional ups and downs but in all of it I knew Jesus was bringing me to the cross so that my life would TRULY no longer be about me. I have a love for my wife and my family now that would never have been present if she did not get pregnant. I think you are right on the money, I think we are shooting at the wrong target often in these issue. I have been teaching self defense for 25 years, done seminars etc... and I can tell you for a fact that in the LARGE MAJORITY of cases self centered behavior precedes an attack.

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    Darin, this topic is not discussed because there is a strong political undercurrent in society and many organizations that for whatever reason wants rights without responsibility and it all boils down to personal responsibility. I had to walk away from teaching rape defense classes in tandem with a well known organization because they never wanted to discuss the "preassault" behavior one might be engaged in that created an opening for a predator. I know that there are cases where this is not the case but they are few and far between. If any of you are interested a great read on this is the book "the gift of fear" survival signal that protect us from violence by Gavin Debecker.

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    Darin, going back to Vincent’s comment, I wish you would elaborate more on what you mean by meditating on people. Meditation is another one of those words that has been hijacked by religion so I’m not quite sure what the type of meditation you’re talking about would look like.

  18. Gravatar
    Darin Hufford

    Aida do you remember the blog I posted where I talked about how I hear God's voice? I couldn't find it. Didn't this same question come up awhile ago?

  19. Gravatar
    Darin Hufford

    "Ears to Hear". I think that's it. Anyway, when I say "meditate" on someone, I actually mean worship. Lift them up, praise them, admire them, cherish them; all the things we associate worship with. I know that sounds weird, but it's really the same.

  20. Gravatar

    Wow, Darin! This is certainly thought-provoking, and I can imagine some parents will resent what you say. Having no children myself I'm not in a position to judge but my observations have confirmed your viewpoint. Some parents are still self-centred, even ministry-centred, to the detriment of thvir childrens' safety. It's sad but true.

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    Darin, it doesn’t sound weird to me. Maybe that’s because I’m getting a little weird myself. LOL Actually, in my opinion, it makes a lot of sense.

    Also, for those who may be offended by what you said, it’s very scriptural. 1 Peter 3 in the Amplified uses pretty much the same wording as you did when it describes a wife’s relationship to her husband.

    I’ll re-read your “Ears to Hears” post. Thanks for your explanation. It’s helped a lot.

  22. Gravatar

    Hi Darin! I agree! Before I left the OC, I was in Children's Ministry. Some days I would come home and cry. More often I just wanted to knock some parents up side the head! (Of course, I didn't!) The hurt some of them caused their children because they were so wrapped up in themselves was excruciating. These kids were so hungry for affection and attention I knew some of them were targets for people who wanted to hurt them. I would sit and talk with the kids and they would share things with me that would break my heart. Sadly, these same parents thought my husband and I were insane for home-educating our kids and surrounding them with "terrible" love. They would actually get angry with us! Now our kids are grown up. They love God and seek Him. And they are confident in His Love! :o) Lynn G

  23. Gravatar
    Darin Hufford

    It's funny how the world actually gets angry with us when we have a terrible love. People at the mall look down on my wife and I because we have 5 kids and want more. They look at us like we're irresponsible. They try to tell us that if we really loved our kids we wouldn't have so many kids. Try and process that mentality.

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    I know. We have some friends who have 13 beautiful children! (The family is not on any public assistance - sad that i feel it necessary to add that.) People are always saying rude things to them, too, but the children are happy, healthy and well loved! And... I can't imagine how anyone could possible grow up self-centered with 12 other children in the family! They are loving and always smiling - at each other and everyone else!
    Darin, one of the things i like the most about your messages is your love for your family! When you talk about your children, Father's love becomes easier for me to understand... thanks! I especially liked the 2nd message in the Love Series where you talked to your new baby at the end of the message. Very powerful!

  25. Gravatar

    I find your that what your saying Darin is mostly true, however children who are molested by adults are often "targeted" and love or the lack of love will not stop the situation. We (adults) place to much trust/faith in people around us such as Teachers, Pastors, Police, Co-workers... and we leave our children at risk. There are mom's and dad's out there that love and care so very much for their children, yet have no control over the assault on there family. People in authority have misused their power and position for so long that it is now common place and it feels like the world is up side down. Darin I love you as my brother in christ but try to put yourself in some ones shoes.

  26. Gravatar
    Darin Hufford

    Michael that's why I wrote the 3rd paragraph up from the bottom. I clearly explained that there are exceptions. Did you not see that partagraph? It's the one next to the picture of the wounded heart.

  27. Gravatar

    Happy Easter all.

  28. Gravatar
    Greg Martin

    I enjoyed your post and the creative way it was presented. We do let ourselves get in the way of truely loving. Seems most would like a simple how do I get there rather than the giving up all our dreams and goals. Your words are very helpful. I appreciate you and pray your terrible love will flourish.

  29. Gravatar

    My brother & I were molested by a teen neighbor.I didn't even realize that my bro was a victim until I was talking about the experience w/ a therapist. What happened to me had an effect on every area of my life. My brother committed suicide in his early 30's,after living a very screwed up life. I have 3 grown children. One of them is in prison for committing a sexual crime. I do not feel guilty for his criminal act, but, I can tell you that during his formative years and although I was a stay at home mom, I was not really 'there'. I sometimes think I can 'see' that this same experience has happened in someone else. I have shared my story with some of them and find that what I thought was indeed true of them. These women have difficult marriages and quite often, kids that are messed up.

  30. Gravatar

    When I became a christian I thought all my past was taken care of and that I should do all the good things a wife and mom should do. I tried to cover my pain with good works. I really tried to be 'good' but I still was so dirty. So everything did revolve around my family but it's purpose was for my benefit. I don't know if this makes sense to everyone, but I hope if you understand where I'm coming from and are experiencing this same futility in your life that you will seek help. You will be saving yourself and possibly your children or someone else from alot of misery and heartbreak. God has been so gracious to me and I find so much encouragement from the FBN and other sites. Thanks Darin :) Finally experiencing that terrible kind of love.

  31. Gravatar

    I agree with you 100%, Darin. I decided a long time ago and after hearing sooo many stories that to really protect my daughter, I can trust no one. I see everywhere that many times the least expected person is the criminal. She has special needs and I agree with Greg that in this sense she is even more vulnerable. Even in public school for only 3 years, I could write a book with the experiences that she went through. For that reason, after the end of 1st grade, we so no choice but to homeschool her!

  32. Gravatar

    The moment I gave birth to my son I became certain that nothing else I did had much meaning anymore. There's just no comparison. It is so grievous when parents are unable to comprehend the great honor and privilege they have been bestowed with. I can not claim to understand it but when people do not get this, it is easy to see how an angry and disappointed heavenly father is easier to believe. But if you understand terrible love it is impossible to buy into an angry god ever again.

  33. Gravatar
    Darin Hufford

    Yes Candice. Everything becomes suddenly clear when you know terrible love. The entire Gospel message is tucked within that kind of love and if you don't go there - you don't get it!

  34. Gravatar

    I was enjoying your site – I thought you might be different but blaming parents for mental illness is not an act of love. I have two sons with schizophrenia and I see a hint of the failure to understand mental illness that is common to the institutuionalised Church. I loved my sons – terribly. I refuse to buy into the guilt trip that my dear brothers and sisters would condemn me to every day. (A recent development however, helped along, no brought about, by a dawning deep realisation of God’s love and goodness and the understanding we live in a fallen world where sickness and sorrow (including mental illness) exist). You can ask for prayer and share with others and get support for cancer or an accident or some such but mental illness just leaves you very alone with your God…

  35. Gravatar
    Darin Hufford

    Jenny I think you took that last comment to mean something that I never intended. First off, schizophrenia is hereditary. It is passed down through family lines. I don’t see it as having anything to do with things like depression, bi-polar disorder or OCD. Some mental illnesses are in the genes and others are developed through life. Please don’t take that comment at the end of the article to have anything to do with your children. That is the FURTHEST thing from my mind. I work with many people who suffer from schizophrenia. It is not something you can counsel a person out of and it’s also not something that could have been avoided by having a better family life or upbringing.

    My heart broke when I read your post because I know you love your children.

  36. Gravatar

    Thankyou Darin for taking the time to answer and clarify what you meant. OCD is also hereditary and I will open up with you a little further because I think I can trust you. My husband suffers from OCD, one of the sons with OCD as well as schizophrenia (he has had symptoms of OCD since he was a little child. I have read that a child can get OCD from his body's unique reaction to an infection; he can be well on Friday and have OCD by Monday coinciding with an infection. There are well-documented cases.) I don't want to make this blog a forum for my life story; there is much more. But the church has let me down badly when it comes to what I hear preached from the pulpit so much. I don't want a hospital just to help me; I hate all the preoccupation with me, me, me, but I always leave feeling

  37. Gravatar

    guilty, condemned, inadequate and as if I am somehow out of sync with everyone else because it just does not happen for me the way "it is supposed to". I often cry for sheer sadness on the way home. I have never told anybody that.

  38. Gravatar
    Darin Hufford

    Jenny I don't now how long ago you found my website, but from what I'm hearing from you it sounds like we are on the same page totally. You've been beaten up by church. My question to you is why don't you just leave and not go back? Why put up with this?

  39. Gravatar

    Actually I read "The Shack" two days ago and found your website somehow when browsing links associated with the book's website. Have absorbed your blog and am blown away! Some stuff I have thought about before but you put it into words so well. Haven't read your book but will! Have A LOT to think about. I also teach in a Christian school but have asked myself for a long time "Why am I here?" The answer is always "For the kids", but there is a limit to what you can do in a given context. So there are a lot of challenges. I am 55 so it has been a long time! (I must tell you - I had a brother who lived only a few short years after coming to know the Lord, but he would have loved what you are saying, 34 years ago. He tried to say similar in his way but nobody would listen.)

  40. Gravatar

    I write this with a tear. Please understand this is nothing new, and around the world children undergo sexual torture that most of you could, but will not want to imagine . Imagine a five year old boy or girl being gang raped on a public street corner , as if these men were lining up at an ice cream stand . The problem we face in America is Binary by comparison not that it makes it right . We live in an evil wicked world .
    My kids do not leave my sight , and I trust no one with them . They are precious gifts from our most high God . I am told to be over protective, and I agree , woe to those that under protect and have to live with the pain of a tortured child .
    For the exceptions in 3rd Para of the post. Hence forth my over protection .
    That said, my kids know how to defend, protect and defend themselves . Your child can be molested in a restaurant restroom for heavens sake, or even worse . Think about this before you order your next drink and loose track of time.

  41. Gravatar

    sorry Darren I disagree sometimes it's the childs fault, not the parents, my Pop left when I was 10 months old & my mom had a nervis break down after he left, I was never suppose to be born, they tryed to abort me but it faild, so my mom was left with kids ranging from 13, 10 & 10 months! she snapped, I also was born with some abnormaltys that made raising me very complicated so when my oldest brother started malesting me my mom didn't know or care she was trying to put food on the table & find the stringth to just keep putting one foot in frount of the other! she did keep me from haveing contact with my father till I was 4 becuse she knew he had tryed to kill me a few times when I was a infent becuse I screamed horribly & she was aware he had been accused of making passes & possbly sexuly assaltying two femail famly mebers on my moms side while they were marred, but when I went to spend some time with my Pop i had my mid bro with me for protection, but that didn't stop my Pop from...

  42. Gravatar

    (contenued) keeping my bro upstairs while he took me to the basment whith his step son & a nabor & beating me to unrecinisibilty & sexuly assalty me becuse I was NOT normal!!! see I was horrible!! I HAD to be punished!! it was my fault & I deserved every bit & more!!! so please quit blaming the parents! ok thire kid probly dosent deserve it but sometimes a child has to be beated & taught becuse there severly damiged!! & not worth anything!!!! I'm sorry I get very inpassioned becuse the couple of friends I have told got mad @ my family & couldnt understand that I was & am the problem! it's not a conwinsadence that nobody could stand me in school including teachers & that I have been kicked out of over 50 churches! I'm broken & discusting!!! I deserve all that happens to me & more!!!!

  43. Gravatar

    Darrin, your story reminds me of the movie Family Man. Nicholas Cage plays a high rolling trader who has his life planned out until he encounters a mysterious "visitor" who shows him what his life could have been like had he chosen love. You should check it out.

  44. Gravatar
    Darin Hufford

    I've seen it and I loved it.

  45. Gravatar

    I think it's awful that you blame parents for their children being molested. Most sexual abuse takes place within the family, usually from fathers, uncles, grandfathers, older brothers, though sometimes from women in the family. People are betrayed by all sorts of people whom they trust and think that they DO know well. A long-standing friend or neighbour, a relative, a priest or pastor.

    If you don't believe that the death penalty is a deterrent to paedophile acts then why do you want it for paedophiles? You don't believe in forgiveness or that it's God's place to have the power of life and death? Would you have the death penalty for that and not for murder?

    And what's wrong with Internet dating? Surely it's better for the single parent to try to find a father or mother for their child?

  46. Gravatar

    R U serious wackywilliams? Or are you being satirical?

    If you were a bratty kid then it's because of something done to you as a child or even as a baby. No child is intrinsically bad. My parents always said I was bad, and I internalised that. It wasn't till I was much older and got away from them that I learned that they were using me as a scapegoat, as a useful person to project all their negative feelings onto. It was okay to do this with me because I was adopted and so I wasn't really one of them. And they didn't have to take any responsibility for how I turned out because of course they could say it came from my birth family. You had a family like that and you think the problem was YOU???!! Go and see a sexual abuse counsellor. No child deserves to be abused.

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