Barrow my Strength

When my son was 4 ½, he was diagnosed with cancer. The tumor was the size of a small cantaloupe or large grapefruit and was pushing on all of his internal organs, causing intestinal and bowel blockage and a lot of pain. He was diagnosed on November 11th and because of the blockage, he was not allowed to eat anything. He was put on TPN (total parenteral nutrition) which is a liquid nutrition that went directly into his blood stream. Thanksgiving was not a lot of fun for him that year as he was not able to eat any of the yummy foods that are associated with the holiday. But he was there and alive. For that our family was very thankful. At one point, he was in the hospital and wanted to taste something, ANYTHING so I let him lick a Friday’s® Mozzarella Stick that I was eating. He couldn’t eat it, but at least he could have some flavor. 

He suffered DTs when he was taken off of his morphine drip. While he was in treatment, he was amazingly strong. He endured 15 chemotherapy treatments, 20 radiation treatments, 5 surgeries and I can’t count how many midnight trips to the hospital when his temperature spiked because of a developing infection. All of this occurred over the span of a year. 

There were several times when he was just worn out from everything he was going through. Imagine how tired you would be from the tests, infusions of red and white blood cells, treatment that made you sick and the regimen of medications to counteract the sickness that made you ravenously hungry, only to throw up everything you just ate. Add to that the lack of interaction with most kids your age because of the fear of infection that your body couldn’t handle in its suppressed state. The limits that were placed on your young life because germs are everywhere. Imagine going from an active 4 year old learning how to skate to play ice hockey and going to pre-school while your mom was in college to spending the majority of your time in just three places—the doctor’s office, the hospital, and at home. No four year old should be in a fight for their lives where the cure is just as deadly as the disease.

During those times when the doctors and nurses had to take blood or change the dressing on his Hickman catheter that was the mode that medications and TPN entered his blood stream or change the soaks on the shingles he developed in his groin, he would cry out and I would hold him. And I remember telling him that it was okay to be upset and to not feel like he had the strength to endure what he was going through. I would hold him in my arms and whisper in his ear, “It’s okay, Baby. You can borrow Mommy’s strength. I have lots and you can use all you need of my strength.” And he would squeeze me as hard as he could and lean on me for strength when his was all used up and it seemed that he couldn’t go on. When he just wanted the pain to be over. And he made it through. He is 10 now and has been off treatment for 5 years and cancer free for 5 ½. 

God brought that to my mind just yesterday. I know that we are all going through something. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. And there are times when we just don’t think we can handle one more second of the pain or frustration or the loneliness or the overwhelming responsibilities of our lives. But He wants us to borrow His strength. If we just squeeze Him tight, He is whispering in our ears, “It’s okay, Baby. You can borrow My strength. I have lots and you can use all you need of My strength.”

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13