Battle Scars

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." -James 1:2-3 

One thing I have come across in my journey through the psycho-spiritual wilderness is that people tell me that what I write, think about, express, etc...only comes out of my pain and personal spiritual abuse from my past and that I am jaded, therefore what I have to say somehow lacks validity. It's almost like because I suffered, I am somehow disqualified from having an accurate view and opinion of things.

I hold that everyone, whether they realize it or not, experiences pain and suffering in this world, and much of what we do is a result of that. To say that my views and what I believe are somehow discredited because of this is to say that no one has the qualifications to form an accurate view of anything.

We all suffer. We all have pain.I have found that pain is imminent and unavoidable in life. We are given it, not as a curse, but as a gift. What we do with it is what really matters. I choose to see that what I suffered through at the hands of religious abuse and insane people as a gift. It empowers me and fuels me for my life's work.

It is because of pain, it is because of my wound that I can have compassion. It is because I have suffered that I can love, relate with, and empathize with other people. I can assure you that I am not alone. I know that there are many people besides me who have suffered at the hands of similar beasts in their lives. Many live in silence. Others live completely unaware of what is being done to them. I wonder if what I have to say will actually aid in their own personal freedom.

How is it then that what I say isn't valid? The Bible calls Jesus a man of sorrows. I would say it is safe to say that Jesus knows suffering and pain more intimately than most of us. Would that then disqualify Jesus from saying what He teaches? Does what Jesus suffered at the hands of so many from the religious world detract from what He teaches? Would we say the same thing about Him? That He is jaded and his pain undermines His ability to teach proper Christianity?

Robert Bly, in his book "Iron John" so beautifully compares the struggle with pain to dipping one's wounded finger in the pool of water (the soul) and the wound turns to gold. He goes on to say that our wound becomes our greatest treasure and ally. Many great people do wonderful things because of their wound. Many great authors, teachers, geniuses and such function out of their wound. The movies, stories, and poetry that touch us and move us were written from pain.

I have been deeply touched by authors and teachers who have experienced profound pain and anger at the hands of abusive and wicked men and women. They are the ones who shine light in dark places to free others from their bondage.

One of the most freeing things for me in my personal journey was seeing the wounds on Jesus' hands, feet, and side. They speak volumes more than any words could say. They tell me that my savior, my hero, my lord and my king suffered even worse than I probably ever will. They tell me that He is not only cognitively aware of human suffering as a fact but is intimately aware and acquainted with it Himself. Those wounds give me hope and spur me on, knowing that the one who leads me has a real compassion for me.

It is often asked who one would trust in a foxhole in war. Would you trust the man who has been in peace time most of his life and never fought a war a day in his life? Or would you trust the older, seasoned veteran with many battle scars? I, my friend, choose the latter. It is because of those scars and those wounds that I know the One next to me has what it takes to get me through the battles of life. His wisdom is worth its weight in gold, and his scars show me a deep comfort. They offer me hope, knowing that I too can face the day, and take on its battles.

The words Jesus spoke to His disciples towards the end of His life bring me a deep comfort that few others have.

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

These are words of a seasoned veteran in the heat of battle spoken to his young apprentices. He is preparing them to go out like sheep to the slaughter in an evil world. He makes no apologies, telling them that they will suffer. But He offers a great comfort. We can take comfort in knowing that He has fought the battles and he has overcome the world. It makes things not so bad for the rest of us who do suffer.

So dear reader, I am another war veteran with battle scars. I am coming along side of you, showing you my wounds that you can take comfort that you are not alone. Telling you that together we can overcome this world and we can make it through the battles and the bloodiest wars, and that there is light at the end. Our hero, friend, elder brother, savior and King has overcome, and it is through pain, it is through suffering, and even the most painful death that he conquered. Tell HIM he is not qualified to speak of such things!