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Oct 03, 2011

God's Words Burn in the Bones Like Fire

What can I say…. I spent twenty years collectively learning my personal truth on the machine we call religion. The traditions the rote of man made null and void the inner whispers, the guiding voice in my heart. It imprisons the mind and clips the wings of the spirit. I had a love affair with the harlot; it took years to free my mind and spirit from her grasp.

She is a self contained pond. She has no inflow, no outflow. She is murky, dark and stagnate, having the stench of rotting things. She draws to herself the slimy creatures of the earth that hide in the camouflage of her shadows. She will let nothing in and gives nothing. 

In contrast her majesty the mighty river. Other rivers and streams join her along the way. She has her origin from high places and She has a destination and when she reaches it she evaporates and returns to the heavens. As she ripples and thunders along she nurtures all living things. Freely the animals and birds of the sky come to her, drink and are refreshed. The fish use her to travel where they are destined to go. She draws to her cool, crystal clear waters, families, lovers and friends. She is a life giver. She holds in her waters no secrets, she is life with origin and purpose. She sings along the way come to me all who are thirsty, weary, broken and tired and I will give you rest. 

We have as humans settled for far less. This beast religion being sold to us under the pretence she will bring life. It is a trap that steals clarity from us and sucks hope from our lungs. She represents death of the living soul that resides in every man. She traps us in her waters like a helpless animal desperate for food is entombed in the hunters snare. She represents dying. Although created by man she has become a rouge entity unto herself. Destruction is her name. She draws to herself the pious, proud and arrogant. And they in turn prey like a crouching predators on the broken, weak, lost and desperate. She is a liar and a thief. This beast seduces God’s gifted, as Dahlilia wooed Sampson to discover the source of his God given strength and destroy it. When she was successful in deceiving him, she took his strength, sight and put him in chains stealing his freedom. It is the her plan to silence the voice of God and keep us from bringing true freedom to the world that so desperately needs it. 

I suppose for a time I was filled with bitterness for all the years I felt I had wasted. It was one of the hardest things to do separating my God from the beast. I hurt for those that can not and for those that struggle as I did with a deep discontent and lack of understanding to resolve it . As I now see it, it is like mixing oil and water. But my cup was so shook that the two almost looked like they were one. I suppose I had to go to the wilderness to allow the two elements to settle . It was clear after years of remaining still the two had not, could not and would never mix. That I could continue my journey of living, leave religion behind and walk once again with my creator. I feel at peace now. It still sickens me and I feel the need to not slander others but pass on these lessons to those that may be in the same place. There is no “man” to blame here. No names or faces attached to the frustration and anger. Just hurt and a sense of loss for all those that I loved and had to walk away from as religion drew a hard line in the sand. So many wonderful, beautiful people. But to all those that struggle with the same pain, there is hope! After so many years I finally feel free. I knew God had finally succeeded in freeing the mind and spirit when I could listen to others speak their opinions and new ideas and not become defensive. I could take a honest look at everything I believed and not have fear cripple me. Even find myself excited at the prospect of new ideas. I could trust my internal compass and weigh facts fearlessly. I believe if a man can not study critics writings and allow all that he or she stands for and believes to be honestly scrutinized, that if fear grips the heart and anger is the first response when faced with new ideas the mind and spirit are imprisoned. 

I now feel like a child that runs and plays with a free spirit under the watchful eye of my parents. Learning, finding strength in and safety with them, being encouraged to be what ever it is my heart leads me to become.

 

Marcie Dillard

by Marcie Dillard

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  1. Gravatar
    Mark

    Even find myself excited at the prospect of new ideas. I could trust my internal compass and weigh facts fearlessly. I believe if a man can not study critics writings and allow all that he or she stands for and believes to be honestly scrutinized, that if fear grips the heart and anger is the first response when faced with new ideas the mind and spirit are imprisoned. This was a great statement, and I would hope for all 'free believers' is one that we would embrace. All areas of doctrine and practice are 'up for grabs' in an effort to find 'true peace' with God. And sometimes 'I don't know' is good enough.

  2. Gravatar
    Marcie Dillard

    My heart no longer preoccupied with things like "truth" or "right doctrine (sounds like heresy I know)but I now realize the universe will not spin out of control if one of my ducks waddles out of line, now understanding God has it handled. I don't know.... may seem like a weak answer but truly it is not!

  3. Gravatar
    Moe

    Marcie, this sounds so much like me and my journey. Your word pictures of the pond vs "her majesty the river" made me cry. You've explained it all so well. After first exiting a demonination, then another building, with fear and trembling, it was so wonderful to find the sky did not fall and God my best friend was still there close as ever! I'm a "book girl" so thru the years He has brought me many books to educate, open my mind and heart, change all my paradigms, and stretch me beyond anything I thought possible. I have fearlessly considered many ideas, beliefs and concepts that were no-no's where I come from. I am always safe with Spirit living in me, guiding, teaching, protecting. And my heart soars like an eagle over that glorious river of life. And yes, Mark, one of the wisest things I can say sometimes these days is simply "I don't know". But I know the One who does and I am content with Him/Her and their timing in revealing whatever I may need to know. Ahh, freedom!

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