My "Captivating" Experience

Becoming a Free Believer, there are certain people that I have been able to relate to and will trust with discussing some of my experiences on FB and others that I am learning to trust and share with. I think that's pretty normal, as we're all learning to let go of our pre-formed prejudices, fears of being judged by others, the "law" that has guided us prior to becoming Free Believers that has kept us wallowing in our guilt and shame. It's quite the journey that we are all on, wouldn't you agree? :) 

A wonderful friend of mine recommended that I read the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. What really impressed me initially was that this was a MAN that recommended this book that was written for WOMEN. The Lord really uses this friend in my life though, and because of this I immediately went out and bought the book the same day we talked about it. I have taken more time to read Captivating vs. when I read The Shack. The Shack I devoured, but that's a whole other story we'll get to some day. 

Captivating has been essential in my healing, my understanding of what it is to be a woman: a woman that has been hurt emotionaly, physically, mentally. Hurts that I had long ago shoved wayyyyy down deep and never intended to deal with again. HA! Father has had other ideas and I find myself yielding and letting go. Learning it's okay to cry again, it's NOT shameful and it doesn't mean that I am weak by any means. 

There is a part in the book that talks about John being on the beach in California one day and he was having a moment with Father, and in that moment Father blessed him with a whale. The whale spouted water and if I remember right came really close, etc. and he'd shared that story with his wife, Stasi. Well, Stasi and I would probably get along great because she then was on the beach one day and she went and prayed for a sign, that sign being a whale also. I don't want to give too much detail about this story, as if some of you haven't read this book yet, you need to experience this moment in the book for yourself. However, I will say that Stasi did not get a whale, but she did get a starfish. Not just one starfish, but HUNDREDS of them! 

Well, here I am reading that going, "Dude!! I LOVE starfish! If He can do that for her, He knows how much I love the beach and how much I love starfish, I want a starfish!!" I had been planning on a visit to the beach (Big Sur, California to be exact) and the day after reading this story, I set my heart to asking Father for a starfish. I took my son's sister with me (his dad is remarried), as she'd been promised a trip to the beach but everyone kept flaking on her. So I told her, "Let's go!" and we took off to Big Sur. My second trip there, her first. I knew the spot that I wanted to find, there was this particular spot I had been to on my first trip and I thought it would be perfect to show her. 

So we set off, blaring the radio, talking, checking out the scenery along the drive. In my opinion, the California coastline is one of the most amazing places in the world! EVERY beach is different (and you Cali people can back me up on that!!). Big Sur looks most like the beaches in Hawaii, the light hits the water just right and the water is transformed into turquoises and sapphires and cobalt and white capped waves. It's simply breathtaking!! (If only the water was as warm as Hawaii, right?!) Any ways, so we're driving along and I know I am close to the spot that I want to find, but I'm getting frustrated because I am not finding it. Finally, I just pull over at some random spot and park. There's a "Beach Access" sign pointing towards the cliffs, so we're obviously gonna have to hike it. No big deal, just get me to the water! I'm still talking to Father silently in my head, "Lord please...just ONE starfish! I just want to see one. I'm not asking for hundreds like you blessed Stasi Elgredge with, I just want one to know you care about me too." 

Kendra and I get out of the car, roll our pants up to our knees and tie our sweatshirts around our waists and in our flip flops, take off on the hike down to the water. Along the way, there are wild flowers all over, purples and whites and yellows. I'm noticing them, but not NOTICING them, you know thinking to myself, "Wow Lord, how pretty" but not really seeing them? Kind of like when a woman is trying to talk to a man when his hockey team is playing or foot ball team, it's the "Uh huh, uh huh.." response we get? 

So we're walking down and down this winding trail. Yep, I'm still praying for my starfish and talking to Kendra, noticing the scenery: to my right and moving behind me down the trail is the ocean: the sun shining on the water through some clouds. The waves are crashing against the rocks and I'm feeling a sense of peace. (See, the ocean is where I go to spend time with my mom since she passed away, so it holds a special feeling for me and Father knows that.) We wind around another curve and the ocean is now to my right again, the road above to my left. I'm looking down at first when I come around the corner, making sure that I am not going to slip and fall. As I look up, my breath catches in my throat. 

In front of me is a valley: HUNDREDS of wild flowers, white lilies, orange poppies, purple wild flowers, yellows, just HUNDREDS of flowers!! There's a fresh water stream, a small water fall (I have a HUGE thing for water falls!!)...it's simply BREATH TAKING!! My mouth has dropped, my eyes are popping out of my head and I about collapsed where I stood. I knew RIGHT THEN AND THERE that THIS was my starfish!! THIS was FOR ME! This was God, the almighty, the King of Kings and He was right in my face, breathing on me!!! I was completely overcome with emotion, I couldn't speak I couldn't move. I just took it all in for several minutes before finally raising my tear stained face and said, "Thank you! Thank you so much!" to the sky. (Kendra was in her own little world, thanking ME for bringing her there but it was like God had put a veil between us. She never noticed my reaction or that I was crying.) We finally started moving and hiking the rest of the way down to the beach and spent about an hour down there. When we were ready to leave, we went back the way we came and once again, I was overcome with emotion that Father cared THAT MUCH FOR ME that He blessed me in a way that He knew would touch my heart: with the most beautiful valley I have ever seen. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. 

Never be affraid to ask Him for your "starfish." He will provide it, in His own special way. :)