Letter from Erica

It disturbs me to believe that someone such as Darin, has to justify and blog his motives for loving people whole heartedly.

I'd like to share with you my story and my testimony considering this man who people have accused of such horrible motivations.

I was saved when I was 8, meaning I repeated the sinner's prayer, while a pastor said it to someone else. I remember the next day feeling so pure, and so clean that I never ever wanted that feeling to go away.

I still to this day crave the feeling of wholeness that I felt that very next day after accepting Jesus. 

I grew up in a very loving home, and went to a church that I believed wonderful until, I became a teenager. What Darin discussed here is so detrimental in the lives of those whose hearts want only to please Jesus.

Because of the things I heard and felt from those over me in leadership, I began to perform. I felt the Lord a task-master. He only desired for me to read my bible everyday, and to pray earnestly everyday. I couldn't do it. I was young, I felt the guilt of not being able to be good enough. I felt a burden to the Lord. Can you imagine? A 15 year-old girl, who didn't go the mainstream of every other teenager, I didn't party, smoke, drink, cuss, I baked brownies for the school janitor--felt a burden to God. 

I graduated very insecure.

By the time I was 19, I hated my personality; I was too radical, too opinionated, not good enough because I could not win the souls of my very closest friends to accept Jesus.

I went into a hands-on, intense ministry training school, right out of high school, where on talent night, I didn't believe I had any talent, but to peel an orange in one peel. That is how the church helped me. I cannot go into detail, but only to say that my church years pastors were not cruel to me, they did not say hurtful things to me, I only was not good enough of a christian.

In this ministry school is where I met Darin. He came to minister to our group. 

I remember loving him immediately, and hoping that somehow I could befriend him. I had the priviledge of going to dinner with him and my director, where I watched everything he did. Hoping that he would love me. But, somehow I knew in my heart of heart's that he did love me, but not only the outside me of "perfect christian" the inside "hurting erica." It wasn't long before, he spoke to my heart directly, in front of all my teammates, what I needed to hear for years. He looked right into my eyes and said, "That I had a heart of gold." He said many other things that opened my eyes, and my heart to see the way that God himself saw me. On that day I was changed. 



I am 26 years-old, and this is what the church has given to me...I was accused of heresy at the age of 19 and told that I could not graduate from ministry school, along with other false accusations, that the Pastor called and spoke to my father. Who was there for me through all that--Darin, loving and speaking truth.

I served with my husband for 4 years as a youth pastor, the same church that my husband served for 5 years prior, all voluntarily and when the pastor was told that we wanted to move on from this ministry into something else, he announced it to the church so distantly, he could have said "to remember to bring chicken to the potluck," and who was there to help us through this hurt? Darin. 



Now, I'm not idolizing Darin, just speaking from my heart when I say, that it is pure ridiculousness that he has to explain his motives. His motive is LOVE. And, if I recall from reading my bible that our Savior's motive was LOVE, and he died for it. How sad that 2000 some years have gone by and still we, the church, the body of Christ, the people of God, "christians," still crucify our own, whose motivation is LOVE and FREEDOM.

We are the Iraelites who witnessed the Red Sea part and in the next breath, because they have no food or water, turn around accused the man who saved them from the Egyptians, that he brought them out into the desert to die. We are unbelievable...


Love You,

Erica