Letter from Jeff

Hey Darin,

Just wanted to say thanks for this site. It has been only about a year since I realized that there are others out there who feel the same way I do. I left IC involvement about 12 years ago after being involved in leadership at a charismatic church that had a-lot of control issues. When we left others were warned by leadership not to fellowship with us because we could harm the flock. Every time I got together with people who were still there they looked at me through shifty eyes and said things like "well...no church is perfect" and they assumed I left because I was hurt. I tried to explain to people that it was not because I was hurt, it was in fact because I actually read my bible and I saw none of what we were doing in there. I left the church because I was growing in knowing him. I have floated around for 12 years reading my bible, establishing my own walk with him and it seems everywhere I go I am running into people who are disillusioned with church and hurting, a genuine organic ministry has evolved in my life where I have been able to minister to people who are going through this and need help.

I am involved in a ministry endeavor where all of the guys I am involved with are heavily institutionalized and I always feel like the odd man out. I see how many concepts about walking with God have nothing at all to do with what the NT teaches but they do not at this point have ears to hear so I just stay quiet until they are ready ( maybe they will be, maybe they won't). I think that after you go through this and come out the other side you develop an intuitive radar that can sense when someone is ripe for this message. For years I have been crying that ministry is not something you go do, it is the person you are, any time Christ is seen in our life we are involved in ministry wherever that may be, knowing that takes so much pressure off to "plug into" some extracurricular activity.

I am fully convinced that one of the reasons that involvement in ministry activity in churches is so appealing to people is because of a lack of intimacy with our Father in heaven. Works replace knowing him and it makes people feel better about themselves when they serve. I have known so many people involved in ministry over the years who are the busiest folk in the church, doing all kinds of things getting the pat on the back from the pastor who have no evidence of Christ actually indwelling them by his spirit, no, love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentelness etc... Organic fellowship actually breeds the right kind of work's...works of faith and labors of love that flow naturally from the life connected to the vine because there is no pressure, as we experience christ we naturally want to share him. Church activity and "plugging in" to church out of christian duty runs the big risk of people doing their works for reasons other than love.

The model itself does not lend to spiritual growth in the life of the congregants because in order for the pastor to stay "employed" he has to have his church grow. I think many pastors live in secret fear of this message. They say they are defending truth but what they are really defending is their future and careers. It would be a scary thing to go to bible college at 19, never learn how to do anything else and 20 years later find out that all you have done is wrong and now you are stuck not knowing what to do...quite sad.

In my opinion the current church model can actually hinder the Gospel because churches make it possible for people to "plug in" who have never really come to the cross. Christianity has in many cases become a good works club and not about Christ himself living through us.

Anyway, I wanted to say thanks for doing this, it is nice to know that there are MANY others out there who share the same feeling that I do. I don't feel like such an outcast now !!!

Jeff