Letter from Martha

Hi Darin,


I know everyone has a story, and you've probably heard thousands of them, but I literally feel like I am being resurrected from the dead. God is using many things in my life right now to accomplish this, and your ministry is a great contributor to this process. Thank you.


Let me introduce myself. My name is Martha. I live in Franklin,TN, right outside Nashville. I am a transplanted Texan,who longs for true Tex-Mex and real barbeque. I am a 59 year old mother of three wonderful grown children and grandmother of 5 incredible grandsons. I am twice divorced. I work as a pharmacy technician (not my dream job) at a hospital in Nashville. I moved here to be close to my son and his family.
 


I was not raised in church. My parents were alcoholics, and I was raised with all the dysfunction that goes with that. I was a teenager in the 60's, got into drugs and became a hippie. I left home at 17 and went to San Francisco to find love and peace. The hippie movement fell short of this, and I found myself addicted to drugs and all that went along with that lifestyle. I was disillusioned, confused and could see no way out because of my dependency on drugs. I was homeless and penniless when I met a drug dealer who took me under his wing so to speak. He was from Canada and was in SF to score and go back to Canada. He wanted me to go with him, so I did.

He had a small car, a convertible with a crash bar. We were traveling through Oregon, high on speed. We were going around a curve with a mountain on one side and a deep ravine on the other. He was going too fast and went into the other lane. There was a car coming so he swerved and we went off the road into the ravine. The car flipped over and and we landed right side up. I didn't have a scratch on me. He had a minor cut on his forehead. My life flashed before my eyes. Even in my drug-induced state I knew what happened was more than luck or karma. There was a crew of construction workers behind us and they came rushing down. I could tell by looking at everyone's face, they were amazed we were alive.

One of the men said he didn't live far and we could come home with him until we decided what to do. He lived in a small town called Port Orford, outside of Coos Bay. Ok, here I am, dirty, hair to my waist, wearing my signature coon skin hat. This man had a wife and five children. As I was walking up the sidewalk to his house, his wife saw me and she told me later the Lord dropped a love in her heart for me. Obviously she was a Christian. Making a long story short, she and I had an instant bonding and she asked me to stay with their family for awhile. My friend went on to Canada.

I slowly began to open up to this wonderful lady who had a relationship with Jesus. She didn't talk to me about religion or church, in fact they didn't even attend church at the time. She just talked about the Lord and told me how she felt his presence and just talked to him all the time. She gave me a Bible and had the wisdom to tell me to read the new testament. Obviously I got off drugs and my began head to clear. In the beginning I also felt safe and secure in their home and that helped me to open up my heart. No one led me through the sinner's prayer, but I just had a revelation of Jesus and came into relationship with him. It was glorious! I wanted to shout it to the world, I wanted everyone to meet this wonderful Jesus! 

Then this lady decided I probably needed to go to church, her intentions were good even though mislead. I didn't even own a dress, and in those days you had to wear a dress to church. We went o a Pentecostal church. The people were really sweet and down to earth. When the pastor found out my story he was thrilled. I stayed there for nine months, and then had to go home to Houston,TX, because my father was dying of lung cancer. I ended up staying in Houston and of course I thought my next step was to find a church. This is what I was told to do by the only Christians I knew, and in my naiveity I thought this was the next step and the only way to grow and go on in my relationship with Jesus. I could write a whole book about my experiences after that. What a roller coaster ride I went on in the world of religion!

The hurt and abuse I suffered still boggles my mind. I never fit in, in the religious world and I never knew why. I just always turned things on me and thought I just wasn't a good enough Christian and spent hours in self condemnation. I failed miserably, but one thing I never lost site of was this wonderful Jesus I met. I knew he was real. I must say though that my experiences were not all bad. I did meet some wonderful people along the way that really love Jesus. It is impossible to go into all of it, but I ended up in TN, divorced, disillusioned and still trying to fit in at church.

In the midst of this I would still cry out to the Lord to please, please help me. Then I decided I was just deficient and would never fit in at church and decided to quit going. I work with special needs children at the church I attended, and decided I'd still do that, but I would no longer look for fellowship. Then my son told me one day about a book he read called 'The Shack'. He said I must read it. I said OK, but thought, ho-hum, it probably just the usual 'Christian fare'. Finally through some amazing circumstances, I read the book. I was blown away. God used that story to melt away barriers in my heart. It brought me back to the simplicity of a relationship with the Lord and gave me hope that maybe what I had been feeling all this years wasn't so off base. I began to wonder who the author was and what inspired him to write this. To make a long story short, I found the God Journey podcasts and heard an interview with you. Then I heard about your podcasts and I have been devouring them. All of this has taken place in the last few months.

This is how I would describe what I have been going through since then. Did you ever see the movie 'The Matrix'? In this movie Neo lives in a false reality and wants to know the truth  about the Matrix. He takes a red pill and starts a journey of being deprogrammed. While on the mothership he is hooked up to all these wires and his body and mind are going through a sort of withdrawl so he can learn to live in this new reality. That is exactly what I feel like right now. I feel the Lord is reprogramming me! I feel he is taking me back to the simplicity of a relationship with Him and displacing the lies I've believed with the truth. I feel I have a long way to go and this is not an easy process, but I feel I am coming back to life! 

Darin, God has really used you in this process and all I can say is THANK YOU for being bold and brave enough to speak and live what God is showing you. The neat thing about this for me is, much of what you and others are saying was already in my heart. I don't feel manipulated or brainwashed and that's a new experience too. 
 
I know this is long, thank you for letting me share my heart. I will look forward to further communication with you.
 


Martha