Letter from Teri

Hey, Darin!

I tried to leave a comment but 800 characters was just NOT enough to share my story. I hope you don't mind if I do it via email?

My husband and I never thought we'd be churchless, but we attended an extremely small church for a couple years that we had prayed and hoped would come back to life, but we began to see things that concerned us--things like control, unethical behavior, hypocrisy, self-centeredness, gossip...I won't go into detail. Our church was so small (at most 10 people) that a lot of things that had always bothered us about church (but we hadn't realized it) really stood out. We began to question things such as the following:

The role of pastors/leadership in the church: Were pastors REALLY to be the "boss of the church"?
Authority/submission: What is it? Does it mean doing whatever the "boss" tells us? Is it unsubmissive to question beliefs?
Ministry: Was ministry really only what happened within or through the church? Were potlucks REALLY more important than helping a neighbor or encouraging a hurting friend?
The role of women in the church: Were women really not supposed to teach, lead singing, etc.? Were we second-class to God? Would God REALLY prefer that an ungodly man teach because he's a man instead of a godly woman? Why can't a women speak from the pulpit, but she can speak from the pew? Why can't she teach other men, but she can teach men through her comments in SS? If a woman isn't supposed to teach a man then why was it ok for our pastor to read books written by woman authors? What difference does it make if a woman is the teacher of a class with men, teaching through speaking up in SS, or teaching through a book she wrote? In each case she is teaching men! If a woman wasn't supposed to be in authority over men then why did the pastor allow his wife to give orders to men about jobs she wanted done? It all sounded extremely hypocritical and hair-splitting to me!
What is the church? Is it the building we meet or am "I" the church? How does this affect my life?
What is fellowship? Is fellowship meeting with a group of people at "church" where there is no true connection or is it a spirit connection that occurs anywhere where 2 or 3 people meet together in Christ?
We tried to talk to our pastor about our concerns in a loving, nonthreatening way, but the pastor was very defensive and condemning. He preached at us for about an hour and we barely got a word in. If he had LISTENED to us, he would have heard love from us. Instead he attacked. After wrestling all the next night after the meeting, my husband decided that we couldn't return to the church. We asked God to lead us where He wanted us for fellowship, no matter what form it was in. If God ever leads us back into the church, we will go--because following GOD is more important to us than our own preferences. But we also are open to other forms, including meeting as a family. So far we haven't felt any urging to go anywhere. We believe that we can't ask God to lead and then move on our own, so we continue to wait. Unless God wills, we don't know if we could stomach a traditional church again. So much there seems empty, pointless, meaningless to us now.

So far my husband, me, and our 14-year-old son have been studying together as a family on Sunday mornings. Over the last year, we have been studying the Jewish roots of our faith--after all, Jesus was born into a Jewish family, a Jewish society, with Jewish traditions and teachings. We have been overwhelming astounded at the things we are learning--things that have changed our lives and caused us to ponder.

For example, we have learned that the church actually operates from a Hellenistic mindset rather than the Hebraic mindset. The Greeks believed faith is a set of intellectual concepts, while the Jews believed that "faith without works is dead." The Greeks believed everything was logical, and "either this is true or that is true" while the Jews believed that opposite truths can both be true, saying "These, also, are the words of God." The Greeks sought to intellectually understand God while the Jews understood that God's thoughts and ways are far beyond understand. They were ok with the mystery of God. This difference in mindset is crucial to how we approach faith. For example, the church's centuries long debates about God's sovereignty vs. free will, election vs. choice, etc., is Hellenistic. The Jews would NOT have struggled with this because they would have said simply, "These also are the words of God."

A very important thing we've learned is that Jews of Jesus' time believed that the center of worship and ministry was NOT the synagogue, but the HOME. The HOME was more important and considered more holy than the place of worship. Based on this, we have pondered that if we, as Christians, consider the church to be the center of worship and service, then we can compartmentalize our faith and divorced if from our daily lives. But if we consider that WE are the church, and worship/ministry is centered at home then EVERYTHING we do is worship and ministry. It flows from God through US at any time or place. That's an important shift.

We have also considered that the flow of ministry is wrong. So much time and service flows into the church and affects only the people of the church. I mean, people go to church to teach SS, sing on the worship team, work in the kitchen, maintain the building, give money (and usually have little awareness of where it goes)--and people thing they are doing ministry. We are discussing that the flow ought to be reversed so the Pastor/leadership trains and equips people to go out and reach those who are in their daily lives: family, friends, co-workers, etc. What if we gave and helped whenever we saw a need? Why does it have to original or flow from the "church" before it's considered ministry? What if we worshiped throughout our day, in many different forms (not all worship is in song) rather than only in "worship services" that "felt" good?

A couple months ago I considered that instructors at Universities train people to become dentists, doctors, teachers, engineers, etc. After they are trained they LEAVE THE UNIVERSITY and use their skills out in the world to benefit people who need them. It would be pointless to be taught and then remain in the university! But that is what happens in the church. We sit in SS classes and through sermons, etc. but then never leave the church to serve out in the world. We are participates hearing ABOUT faith, but not active in LIVING our faith! Ought not pastors to begin training and equipping people to go OUT and serve in their communities? My husband and I often question how to LIVE our faith.

Sorry for the rant and the length of this email...I'm almost finished!

Our time studying as a family, working through these questions, struggling to find out how to LIVE our faith, has been in many senses wonderful and very beneficial to us. I am not sure (unless God directs) that we could go back into a church. Organized church seems to us to be spiceless, bland, passive, and hypocritical while the life we are reaching for, the things we are learning, are full of spice and danger.

But I will confess that it is also very difficult. We are out of step. While everyone around us talks about their wonderful church services, we feel like vomiting at the emptiness of it all. Are they truly ministering or doing busy work? We don't often talk about our experiences/ideas because we get accused of being "disgruntled" and weird. We are told that we ought to be loving and forgiving because, after all, everyone has weaknesses. We are told we ought to submit to church authority. We are told that we ought to get back into "church fellowship," although honestly I think fellowship has more to do with a Spirit "connection" between people than with a place or group. I feel more fellowship with Internet friends than with people I meet at church--although I know people who attend church and have a sincere love for God.

It is difficult to be without a church. It is sometimes lonely. It is not easy being misunderstood. It is difficult to sort through things we have been taught, wondering if they are true or false, wondering if God is leading us out of the church or if we are truly falling away. Are we being overly critical of the church? Did we walk away from the church because we were being petty or because we were holding to the truth? Many times I second-guess myself: "Am I walking with You, God, or falling away?"

Life without church is wonderfully life-changing...but also painfully difficult.

Thanks for listening!

Teri Jensen