In the conversation, Aimee was wondering outloud where the idea comes from that wives should always do what their husbands want and therefore don't really have much of a voice. I can tell you that I heard it a million times in teachings from both men and women in the Neo-Calvinist world. In a nutshell, they say that because Eve was created to be Adam's helpmeet, that means that her top priority in life was serving him. So that is how all wives should relate to their husbands. Women are taught to "orient themselves to their husbands" in everything. Every decision a wife makes is to be with his goals and wishes and desires as the primary factor. It is a horrible teaching that results in a loss of personal identity for the woman. I know someone who took this so seriously that she practically had a nervous breakdown in the grocery store because she was so worried that she'd buy something her husband didn't like. Unbelieveable! Thank God He has brought her out to a place of freedom.
The roughest spot ever in my marriage was over this issue. My husband refused to believe that I was hearing from God over an issue to do with our moving away from his family. I kept trying to help him see the control they were trying to take over us and our decisions, and he was letting them. I told him he needed to stand up, tell them we're a separate family now,...etc. He said God is speaking to me but he told me we should stay, I told him God wouldn't be saying two different things to us and one of us wasn't hearing from God, to which my husband said well it's clearing you who's wrong and is controlled by a self-desire. After a while, we jumped over that hurdle and ( though it took a couple years, eventually looking back my husband admitted I was right.
I think he learned from that to never try to stifle me again,it seems he understands I have alot of discernment and knows when I'm right... he's never tried it again.
Yea, I've found that the submissive teaching as the church has taught it, can be one of the most destructive things to the heart of a woman that there is. In my marriage I personally abandoned that way of thinking simply because I loved my wife:) I WANTED to hear her voice, so that old religious teaching had to go.
My wife and I both agree that the worse thing a couple can do is purchase a book on marriage or attend a Christian marriage conference. Once those "man of God" and "Woman of God" roles are chiseled out for you; you're pretty much a dead-man-walking.
I read one marriage book ever in our first year of marriage,..dumbest thing I've done..MAYBE. :) I hated how it made me feel so I decided NEVER to do that again.
There's a old acquaintance of mine, who's a FB friend now,he and his wife are into the Family Life Today Marriage conferences that some dude Dennis Rainey, i think, started. And that's, not kidding, just about all they ever mention or post on Facebook. " going to a conference, just got back from a conference, hey there's a conference coming up wanna go with us?..." If freaky, and frankly I'm a bit concerned for them THEY'RE addicted! They can't even share about THEIR LIVES! :(