Its Good To Be Seen
Darin and Aimee talk again with Aida Calder about how the human heart can rationalize any situation in life and make believe that it’s not what it is. Many people who suffer abuse have learned to cope with it by rationalizing the abusers actions away until they’ve even convinced themselves that they’re really not being abused. Especially in the religion of Christianity, we have taught ourselves to make excuses for the leaderships behavior and assume the best of their intentions when the worst is staring us in the face. There is a point in every abused persons life where he or she must get a revelation of themselves and of their situation. It is often a shocking revelation because abused people redefine their abuse, making it something much more tolerable. “Being seen” is that point in our lives where the truth of what’s really happening to us confronts our imaginary world we’ve made up in order to cope with life.
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No way to comment on this podcast in just a few words---so much was covered and inside I was jumping up and down in agreement. And yes, Aida, you are a natural.:)) One thing that I wanted to say is about the system. The understanding of the system was what helped me forgive my pastor for the spiritual abuse that we suffered because I saw that she was a victim of the system also. There is no simple, one size fits all in these situations, however. It is very complex and personal, and each of us has to deal with our own heart and issues. Understanding is power--thanks again for discussing and shining light on this subject.
This rang so huge in my heart today.. I was out walking and I started balling like a baby. Very profound.. very! When you started sharing about the split personalities.. I think that in religion there is so much of that.. maybe not in the extreme of what you shared in a satanic cult, but definitely when it comes to the real, true person. I have been on a journey for the past 3 years.. and it's been one layer at a time.. God just keeps peeling away.. and peeling away, until low and behold I look and there is this whole entire person that was buried underneath all the religion, obligation, control from fear, guilt and shame. It's a trip to be totally honest... and to know that there is freedom to be the person God created me to be, is mind blowing! Thankyou Darin.. Thankyou Aimee... and thankyou sweet Aida for sharing. Love you much.. :)
Thanks, Carol. Darin and Aimee made it easy to do. Understanding that the system is set up so that even pastors are abused has really helped me. Hearing Darin’s story of what he went through as well as what other former pastors have experienced has helped me to see that the enemy isn’t the pastor but it’s a system that has taken on a life of its own and become like a cancerous growth. Thanks, Amy. I never really thought about religion causing multiple personalities until I heard Darin say that but it’s so true. Multiple me’s developed as I tried to please everyone. It was only as I began to realize that God is already pleased with me that I was free to allow him to remove the layers so that the real ME could emerge. I’m glad you enjoyed the podcast and are also enjoying the freedom that comes with being made whole.
Just wondering if there is any good book on how certain teachings/practices can place a person at greater risk for mental helath issues? I took a counselling course recently where it became clear to me that the "safety" behaviours practiced in spiritual warfare would actually increase a person's anxiety and/or contribute towards Obsessive Compulsive disorders. It's interesting stuff...
Faith can you send me any information you have on that subject? I've wanted someone to do a study on this subject for years.
Yes, I'll get you some good information. But there probably is not enough known or written in this area yet. I would love for this topic to be explored...
As always I really love hearing you guys talk. Adding Aida in was a special treat.
My personal take on why people become the way they do in a high demand church is based on the amount of personal investment, the type and level of dysfunction you bring in with you. You can get affirmation if you play by the rules. For an insecure guy, a church that pushes strong male authority can be very attractive. Non-assertive women can feel virtuous about being meek. That was me:) Only, inside, I was very angry. A lot. I just wish I could have figured out that my anger was telling me something important instead of feeling ashamed and guilty over it.
About the split personality thing, you may want to check this out: http://www.icsahome.com/culticstudiesreview/pdf/jenkinson_pseudopersonality_revised_pdf.pdf
Faith--I would love to see some info on a study lke this also. I spent many, many years as an "on-staff" intercessor of a church where we lived and breathed spiritual warfare. I have a lot of personal, subjective knowledge, but a study on it would be very interesting.
I should clarify...there was not a study on spiritual warfare specifically but there is a well studied type of therapy for anxiety and OCD that specifically points to evidence that the more people engage in "safety" behaviours, the more their symptoms worsen or the more likely that they will encounter mental health issues.