Aug 20, 2010
Love Pries
Darin and Aimee have an interesting discussion about how upside down we often view life and relationships. Many of us spend much of our time toiling over how we can become comfortable with ourselves enough to open up to others. This seems to be a running Christian theme that is brought up about as often as Jesus and the cross. Is that were our focus should really be? Darin talks about how his mind works when he meets a new person and the question is raised whether or not “opening up” to others is as important as getting others to open up. True love’s focus isn’t about opening it’s own heart, but it’s obsessed with prying open the hearts of others.
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It's great how podcasts don't sound like sermons or typical Christian radio discussions.
Really loved this continuation, guys! :) You all three of ya's make my heart happy! Love DOES prie. Loved what Amy R. shared about her and Robert and their relationship. I think when we won't open our own hearts to being known, even in the sillyness, we cheat ourselves and our relationship from a whole new level of intimacy. I love to know people. I completely suck at small talk.. lol. I do.. I really love talking about what makes that person tick. And I find that I get frustrated with the friendship if that person won't let me know them. I honestly think it will handicap a friendship if both people don't come to the table open to sharing and prying. Not that every relationship has to be that way, but you know the ones, the special connections you make with certain people. There is that eb and flow...the giving AND the receiving in a relationship. If one will only receive it won't work... and if one will only give it won't work. It's the blend of the two :) Love you!
(It seems to me that you open up all the time on your podcasts...that's my observation anyway) This podcast seems timely for me...something got me thinking this past week about what christianity would look like if, as a whole, the emphasis was on listening instead of witnessing. Can you imagine how people "of the world" would seek out "the listneners" instead of running away. Can you imagine the respect, the safety, the credibility that would come from being heartfelt listeners of people? Instead evangelical christinaity is a religion of "tellers"...I'm going to engage you in conversation only long enough so I can tell you you that you need to get saved. I won't really be listening to your story because in the back of my mind I'm just waiting to jump in or interrupt with my own hidden agenda. Isn't listening a way of loving? How did christianity get on this path of telling...and if YOU don't listen then I can accuse you of being intolerant of christianity.
I find that when it comes to me thinking about "opening up" to others; I don't feel the need too. However, when getting others to open up is the first thing on my mind I find that in my efforts and desire to make that happen, I approach people completely opened myself. In other words, opening MYSELF up isn't the focus. The focus is getting others to open and in that process, I find that I naturally open. It's not about me. It's about them.
Faith - you are SO right!! I so loved your perspective on that. That is definitely what draws me to someone's heart - when they look at me with love in their eyes and are genuinely interested in what I have to say. Love listens - I think you NAILED it...
I'm coming to the end of a 16 week telephone befriending course run by a secular organisation. It is a 24 hr volunteer service for folks to call when they have no one else to. The whole emphasis, which was a revelation to me, is to listen and to allow people to explore their own options in a non-judgemental way, no matter what is being discussed. What I discovered in myself is that there is a strong inner drive to take control of the conversation and by doing so to turn the conversation to my own wants and needs. THis is something that most of us do without thinking and we often do this for someone else's supposed benefit. For example, someone is talking about a painful experience and we shut the door by saying "Time heals" or "You'll get over it" or "Yes, I know what you mean ... let me tell you about what happened to me."
I think this is one of my favourite podcasts. Do you ever wonder if you have to "lose your faith" in a sense in order to find out what love is really all about? Feals like the process I'm going through right now and it's a little scary... when all my adult life I've hidden to some degree behind comfortable, secure beliefs.
That's really a brilliant point faith. I think a lot of people hide behind their beliefs. Perhaps why they get to indignant when their beliefs are challenged. It's like they feel like they're going to be caught naked.
I find this is true in healthy relationships, but in relationships that are downright abusive, there is a line that pulls you back out of harm's way. My husband and I are pried open w/ ea. other and we see everything about each other & have what you describe, the openess & love, forgiveness etc. Then we see some abusive couples and we grieve for them. Sometimes I think people need to part until they can heal. I've seen too many awful things happen to people who think they need to be a floor mat time & time again...ya know?
Commented but it somehow does not show...
OK, new try...I used a word that starts with s and ends with a t and thats what it says why it did not work, lol...oh Americans...so I changed into sorrows...What to me appears difficult about that matter of opening up is, that it wont get into a co-dependent relationship. I had that several times in my past and because I was a good listener, people started to vomit all their sorrows over me and used me as their garbage can. Then they turned against me, trying to keep others away from me as well. I know that I changed a lot since and I also am friends with those people again...since they changed as well...And for sure I dont want to let this experiences rob me of real relationship with intimacy, just in the back of my mind I just know how fast it can turn that way.
Wonderful podcast. I have gone through a stretch, which I have discussed before ,last year, when My Dad, my Uncle and my wife all died within three months of each other. I find that people either just avoid me, or ask "how are ya" and then when I say that I am struggling, or one day at a time, they will make a quick comment like well I'll pray for ya, or you need to get out more, and then leave. They just don't want to hear it. Then I do what Darin said, "I'm sorry, I'll be Okay, I'm sorry, I'm really OK" (please don't leave, I need to talk, Ya know)? But they don't want to. It hurts so bad! I just told someone the other day that I just really am having a hard time without my wife, and I just don't see the point (of everyday life) sometimes. Their response was, "well you cant let the devil win" (quick exit immediately followed) I want, and try to get people to open up to me, but I think they are afraid I might eventually talk about my sadness over the loss of my wife and won't risk it