Aug 18, 2010
MIDWEEK - Judge the Ones You Love
Darin and Amy confront what has become a popular cliché in both the Institutional and Free Believers worlds. The statement, “Don’t judge me” has been spun and turned into a spiritually manipulative excuse to indulge in destructive behavior without having to answer to anyone for it. A staggering number of Christians act as if any form of being “called out on the mat” for their actions is contrary to the grace message. NOTHING could be further from the truth. Those who subscribe to this silly mindset have literally pillaged loves heart. If you love a person, you don’t even ask whether or not it’s okay to call them out on the mat when you know they’re destroying themselves.
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Excellent discussion. Answered heaps of questions for me right there. It is much as I thought, actually, but could not really put in words.
OMG! Thank you so very much for this discussion! IT IS SO TRUE! Part of loving God is hating evil and it's our responsibility to those we love and are in relationship with, to "speak the truth in love". Speaking the reality of a situation (whether someone is destroying themselves or their relationships) is NOT "judging"! There is too much misinformation about what that Scripture in Matthew 7 is talking about! People who want to cover their evil and not be accountable to anyone, conveniently use that Scripture as a defensive weapon to ward off receiving the truth and having to take a look in the mirror! LORD, let the truth and power of this message break out over Your entire Body!
Yes and I agree we judge people - but, when we judge people, we don't remind them their sins and lawless deeds.Condemning them, only perpetuates the cycle of sin in their lives.
We rather remind them who they are IN Christ and their right standing with God.
(2 Peter 1- 5-9) "Add to your faith virtue,to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self control, to self control to preservance godliness to godliness brotherly kindness love. For if this things are yours and abound you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of the lord Jesus Christ.FOR HE WHO LACKS THESE THINGS IS SHORT SIGHTED EVEN TO BLINDNESS, HAS FORGOTTEN HE HAS CLEANSED FROM HIS OLD SINS"
It's all about balance. Judging is when you label, treat someone as though they ARE the act. But saying, "Have you really thought this through?" or some other line of checking someone, and helping them think through their choices-that is something different. If I love someone, I'll tell them think about what you are doing and it's affects, but then I'll leave it to them. I'll love them through it, but I can't force it on them. As far as strangers, yeah, stay out, but people don't, which is why people dig their heels when they even think they're being judged, even if it is a friend. This is why I don't push my position, it only seems to push them the other way. The other thing I see, which is scary, is people who don't let anyone see thier sins, but in friendship circles, tell people where they're wrong. If you are going to tell someone like it is, than be willing and open to accept it, too.
Just another thought is that many people don't want to get to know another person in an intimate way because then they will have to reveal themselves. But those of us, who are open, well, people can't handle it. But yet, they feel they have the right to tell people like me how it is, while they hid their imperfections--that's wrong. If your open with me, honest with me, than I can hear it, but when people keep people an arm's length away, don't judge. And I think it's that understanding of relationship, and what that really means, that is key to being able to talk to someone, but I'm not sure if that's judging in the same view as the harshness we see in the world and church. Good points on the relationship issue, that truly is the missing key point, and what defines Godly judgement. Sorry for the books. =)
Love the books (and the discussion)
Some little saying on parenting came my way once and I thought it summed up things well: "Rules without Relationship equals Rebellion." Its a formula, I know, but works for me...
They are already judged. If you spent a day in their heads you would realize the amount of suffering and pain these men are living in. Judgment day is everyday. The action, belief and thoughts we think immediately bring us into a way of being that produces either life or death. There is no need to try to change, fix or correct these men. Their lives will require force to be maintained, and force will always implode on itself. Hopefully they have someone who loves who they are unconditionally, who is safe enough to explore the roots.
This is so very true. I think when believers come into the grace message, they often go to the very extreme of what they once believed and were told over and again. Judging others is of course on this list. I think you nailed it Darin in your three option analogy. It really does come back down to Christians still blindly following principles instead of love. It's like the typical response to the grace message, "So does this mean I can go out and rob a bank..." We really do need to engage the heart as well as the mind. When it comes to judging others, as you expressed it so well, it comes down to love, the circumstances and how well we know the person. In many cases, we should just keep our mouths shut. We can express our dismay and concern about what our loved ones do or don't do (and sometimes we should) - but just like with the lady on drugs you mentioned last time - we cannot change a person and we should love and accept them through their time of difficulty.
""""become a popular cliché in both the Institutional and Free Believers worlds. The statement, “Don’t judge me” has been spun and turned into a spiritually manipulative excuse to indulge in destructive behavior without having to answer to anyone for it."""
BRAVO just for THAT little statement alone.
Amy and Darin you made a good point about today's relationships, they are often so cheap and shallow it's all too easy to just write people off rather than confront a problem. I can only imagine living in a time in place where people didn't just walk out of the relationship when things got too close, or sticky or uncomfortable. If I had a nickel for every time that has happened I'd be a rich woman.
Teri, I agree completely. Darin, you are so right. I heard and got beat up for defending this very position on the FBN fb page. I was told--"Jesus died once for all sins. So go and live." All go to heaven no matter what, so stay outta my business I am free under grace. I would say, what about what Jesus said about hell and condemnation etc.? Response was, "misinterpretation, sin is dead, go live"! I said my Son made a stupid decision. Once again attacked, and once again, I said that he was a wonderful kid, I love him and told him so, but he made a stupid decision. He is not a stupid person, but did something very wrong and self destructive. I was attacked for not just letting him live and make his decisions, and who am I to say whether it was right or wrong, (his father?) "he is under grace" Geez. People are taking the grace message and saying judging no longer exists because Sin and evil have been conquered by the cross. I find that hard to accept deep in my heart.
The last part was so what I needed to hear today... I'm looking at the bright side now! Thanks Amy and Darin for helping me just be Thankful!
oops... my last comment was meant for the last pod cast.... my comment for this one would be.. WoW... some of the stuff on this pod cast spoke so deeply to my heart and was very healing... Thank you again Aimee, Amy and Darin...
I made a judgment call about the molestation stuff you guys mentioned.. and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.. and I believe the reason it was so hard.. is because everyone involved I TRULY LOVED! I wonder What Jesus will say to me about all this one day... I've lost so much.. or did I????? uhgggg.. it is still a hard thing and it's been almost two years.
I'm crying now.... Amy is talking about severing the relationships.... and the shallowness of it all... this is so deeply touching a wound that has never been really talked about so openly in a format like this.. thanks for being soooo real and talking about realy stuff... I know I'm putting lots of comments here...
Fantastic balance to the last podcast... you brought it home you guys.. thankyou!
I am so glad you all liked this one, I think it is as real as it gets. This is one I have a hard time with all the time, why people shy away from the things going on in peoples lives and turn a blind eye, loveless. I believe that love will be in your face through the good and the bad.
Thanks L.J. for all you wonderful thoughts and openness.