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Oct 19, 2010

MIDWEEK - Spiritual Abuse - An Interview with Aida Calder

aidaDarin has a chance to speak with one of his closest friends and confidants, Aida Calder. The two talk about the ugliness of spiritual abuse. Many people have suffered from this type of abuse for so long that we don’t even recognize it anymore. We’ve become like the battered wife who doesn’t even flinch when we’re called names or talked down to. Aida has spent a great deal of her life working with people who have come from spiritually abusive situations. She is considered by some to be an expert in this area. You’ll enjoy her wonderful and insightful personality. In addition to running and moderating the main Free Believers forum, Aida also has several of her own blog pages. “Forgetting the Former Things” and a site dedicated entirely to recovering form spiritual abuse; “Setting the Captives Free”

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    Thank you for acknowledging that pastors and their families can also suffer from spiritual abuse. My dad was a pastor, now retired, thank you sweet Jesus!!! our family finally has peace! Some of the very worst things we experienced IN LIFE were from the IC and its members. Without a doubt my siblings and I still feel the effects to this day on our mental health...

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    Hi, Aida - Thanks for the discussion. I just want to affirm your experience of being told by God to wait to leave an abusive church. We were in an extremely abusive church some years ago, really horrific. Dear friends of mine in leadership finally had to literally flee this church (cleaned out his office in the dead of night). I was so disgusted and appalled at the "pastor" that I could not look him in the eye for months. Yet God clearly told me, "You are not to step ONE FOOT outside this church until I tell you." So I stayed - it was 8 more months before I was released to leave (driven out, more like). In the meantime, I got a bird's eye view of the power of spiritual abuse. (BTW, carried "Subtle Power ..." around with me like a Bible during that time!) I'm convinced God wanted me to really see the dynamics of spiritual abuse. It's uncanny how identical the behaviors are from abusive church to abusive church. Demonically-inspired control, I despise it. I'm a FREE believer now! :)

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    Love this, looking forward to more on this subject.

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    I enjoyed hearing 3 of my favorite ppl who have helped me so much in my journey out of spiritual abuse and the religious system. Aida--you have been such an important part in getting my voice back by encouraging me to write. Darin and Aimee--For providing a safe place for this subject to be exposed and discussed. Even though I have never met any of you, I call you friends. You are so right, it is almost a "tabu" subject even among ppl who have experienced it. It has only been by God's grace that I have found ppl like you who have helped me not only get free, but understand and begin to go another direction. So much I would like to say, but for now--Thank You.

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    Sarah I hate it (on a podcast like this) to hear you say: We are so out of time!...

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    Jay davis

    I was on the other end of things. My wife was into this and after years of trying, I divorced her(ouch)They controlled everything in her life and since I woun't Join and they told me unless I joined that church I couldnt have my family back.Very sad days,Jay

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    I can so relate to your situation, Jay and am so sorry for the pain you have suffered. Although I was the one caught up in the religious insanity, my husband of 28 yrs. divorced me and it totally ravaged my family. Today, many yrs. later, I have been restored w/ my children, but there will always be scars for all of us. It is very sad when this happens, that is why I am so glad that Darin and Aida are opening up a place where the dialog can take place. I hope you are in a place of restoration and peace now.

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    Aida, what a beautiful heart... love your passion for people that are hurting, and hashing this season of walking in the wild out. Jesus was/is such a " come up along side" friend... You are such the reflection of His heart. So appreciated all that you shared.. loved every bit! Big hug.. Amy

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    Jenn, that’s an aspect of spiritual abuse that’s rarely discussed but it’s just as destructive. Julie, people have found it hard to understand but I know that God sent me there and I know that he wanted me to stay. It was only by experiencing it that I’ve come to understand the extent of the abuse and how destructive it is for its victims. Carol, abusers thrive on our silence so they will do anything they can to silence us because they know that once we get our voices back, we’ll begin speaking out and they’ll lose their control. I’m glad you’ve gotten your voice back because people need to hear what you’ve got to say. Sarah, I hated it too. The time seemed to go by too fast. Jay, I’ve seen how these abusive systems tear families apart, turning one member against another, and, as Carol said, there will always be scars. I’m sorry you had to experience this first hand. Thanks, Amy.

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    I remember when the pastor's wife told me that my marriage was not from heaven b/c my husband saw through their lies right away. By the grace of God, I saw the light after a year or so and pulled out. The power of such abuse is so vicious though, that I still think of it... 20 years later!

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    The church I was in had a lot of "touch not God's annointed" and that "God governs from the top down" People were so dis-empowered (is that a word?) with women and children at the bottom of the heap. I truly get it. I also get it when pastors get caught in the middle of a power struggle. My Father's church (S. Baptist) had a pastor railroaded because he was too soft on sin, didn't put the fear of hell into people and therefore made grace (to their ears) being on the slippery slope to permissiveness.

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    Technicolor, you are so correct. Although the wound does heal, the scar still remains. Michele, it’s sad but what you described is an all too common occurrence in the institutional church.

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    When you are in not good state and have got no money to go out from that point, you will require to receive the mortgage loans. Just because that would help you emphatically. I get credit loan every year and feel myself OK just because of it.

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