Dec 17, 2011
Re-Learning Friendship
Darin and Aimee have a great conversation about how institutional thinking has stunted our growth and limited our prospects for deep personal friendships. When we leave that world of religious bondage there’s a process of re-learning that takes place in each of our lives where we literally have to discover principals that most people got from the age of five. The institutional world dictates every friendship we have, making it impossible for anything natural to bloom. Life in the wild is a process of becoming the type of friend you would have become if your religion had not captured and caged you in a world of fear.
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Wow, these podcasts are reaching deep into our souls. My husband and I are so enjoying our freedom after we stopped attending IC two months ago, but are realising how few people will remain our friends if we no longer exist to serve the 'machine.' We are falling head over heels in love with you, and can't wait to hear your latest podcasts. You are connecting with our spirits and like Darin was describing with Aimee, we just want to learn more and more about you, and hear more and more of what you have to say. Also, in everyday life our eyes are opening up to the friendships that are naturally surrounding us but we didn't see because they weren't 'church.'
This was a great podcast. Thank you so much for it. You have no idea how much your refreshingly honest conversations mean to some of us.
Just a thought the 'problem of gossip' has the same root as the relationship issues you talked about early on - fear. In the ICs everyone is afraid of gossip and taught to be so, and guess what happens, we end up doing what we fear.
To add to the problem because we are afraid to say anything in case it's gossip all the thoughts gets bottled up and then something pops the cork and explodes in a big mess.
Thank you so much for the sense of freedom your podcasts give us.
Thank you guys so much and thank you for your thoughts and feedback...Nigel, great point about the 'cork popping.' In an effort to be 'good', we tend to fricken explode later on ;-)
I was at a Christmas party a few of my co-workers put together, and I couldn't help but compare afterward the party to gatherings I've had in the institution. It was amazing how much more relaxed I was. There was no "order of events", like a worship time followed by a Bible study, small group or someone speaking. Even when we went from dinner to the "white elephant" gift part (which was an absolute riot), it didn't feel forced. There was no obligation; we were free to do whatever we pleased (within the realms of decency; there was no streaking or anything like that, although we did talk about asses quite a bit). Everyone was just relaxed and enjoying themselves.
There was also no pressure afterward to keep in touch so we could "do follow-up ministry". It was "see you when I see you." Yet when I saw these people at work the past couple of days, there's been a difference in how we interact because we spent that time together outside of work. We didn't even pray together. =)
Just listened to "Re-Learning Friendship". Got some answers to a couple of questions that bugged me even in the thick of IC service.
Why, after 32 years in the IC, do I have no friends?
Why, even when I was in the middle of the IC, could I not make friends?
I could get depressed if I wanted to because right now we are walking our first steps as free believers (3 months away from IC). Darin, your listing of the friends you have gives hope - hope that there are people out there who desire vital, honest friendships. Thanks for doing that. Thanks also for declaring your love for Aimee (I was tempted to put love in inverted commas) at the start - so thats how real friendship sounds. Keep up the honest talk and have a Merry Christmas in the wild