Nov 08, 2011
The Fear of Fellowship-less-ness
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O my gosh..what a conversation! I think about this often..how funny it is and really how completely different it truly IS outside the box. My hubby and I have this conversation when he is having a particularly hard day...probably lonely would be a better word.. anyways, he will mention how we belong no were and how we have no more fellowship. The first time he said this, I bursted out laughing... What fellowship? What connection?? We NEVER had any...the whole time we were in the church...all we were was busy, and about "doing", but relationships?? When? With whom? I don't know if this is anybody else's experience, but it was ours. But it's so true that we are taught that we NEED this connection and we NEED this fellowship...we NEED the lifegroups and the bible studies... but really, where was the transparency? Where was the relationship? Where was the intimacy? It was all fake..there wasn't. Such a different space to be in, like you and Aimz said... the freedom to just know people.
I love the beautiful people that God has brought into my life... of all backgrounds and cultures and opinions and religions. It's awesome to actually get to be with people I LIKE! :) Loved this topic.. Love you!
I notice this problem among most free believers. It's like they don't know (or know how) they can make friends outside their interest (in this case the church), which is sad (and I don't mean in a mocking or "you're bad at it way"). I really felt sorry for the fact that a lot of free believers and to go though this and come out it not knowing how to interact with people.
Thankfully I don't have this problem and I can't make friends with anyone regardless whether they are a Christian, free believer, or not. I have some friends who do not attend church the whole time actually, or for the most part (except during when I was a child attending elementary and middle school maybe), and I have friends that do.
Also I am happy for my online friends as they have become my closest friends. I would be honest to say that it is easier (for the most part) to express myself and share my thoughts and feelings online in a way at times then face to face, and thanks to the internet I have made friends from different states and lands. I have online friends from Florida, Netherlands, Australia, Singapore, Germany, United Arab Emirates, Canada, United Kingdom, Minnesota, New Zealand, Brazil, and a few other places in the U.S. I knew a person from France but I lost contact with her. I have also made contact with other people places such as from China, Japan, Belgium, and Romania to name a few.
Well it was a nice podcast
Along this line and to add to Joshquinn's comment, I found Family Room Media's "Immerse" podcast 10.25.11 interesting:
http://familyroommedia.com/podcast.html
I went through this phase a bit. I must admit that is why I normally call myself Doug in Denver so someone might say "Hey I live in Colorado, let's talk over coffee." But, no. Weird I know.
The connections in Church were often shallow for me, and when you leave, they are done with you, and if I am being honest I haven't called them either. But it is a measuring stick of the degree of true relationship we had. It is what it is.
For me this has been a time of learning not to categorize people; saved or unsaved; believer or not, etc. I think God wants to rid us of that mindset. I don't think He wants us to see people for their religious labels or beliefs.
I think if we leave this earth with one true friend we have done well. David had only one...Jonathon. And Jesus wasn't over flowing with buddies either. He had Peter James and John and that was pretty much it. Paul had Timothy.
If you want friends, show yourself friendly. But be careful what you ask for.
Another great podcast, thanks...I love being free from the "Us v Them" mentality, the who's "saved or Unsaved" eew that is so lame and judging...Am now loving that there's so many wonderful people everywhere who I'm actually connecting with instead of avoiding.. It's like I was totally blinded by religious lies for years, and now I see!!
This was such a timely discussion - thinking about the "fellowship" issue because of talk I had with a lonely person, not in a building and who is fearful, because of "church" teachings, that not having fellowship is unhealthy, dangerous, even suggestive of falling away and not being a "true" christian. My husband and I have been out of "the building" for over 7 years and we've felt alone but thankful for each other -and I agree about this period of isolation. It has been a time of recuperation from spiritual abuse, of resting from overinvolvement in "ministry", being freed from legalism and fear and unhealthy teachings, and reconnecting intimately with (hello!) GOD Him/Herself!!! I may say I'm "alone" in that maybe I don't have all the friends I'd like but truly I'm never really alone because of my fellowship with God and His desire for me. One of the unhealthiest things, in my opinion, of the IC is that it fosters a dependence on pastors, groups, people that God never intended.
We have hammered out what we really believe about this God of love apart from anyone elses agenda and the guilting and shaming that is often used to manipulate people, sadly. Being freed from dependence on what the IC calls "fellowship" and re-establishing my dependence on God has been so healing and I am such a healthier person and more focused on giving and nurturing then trying to get something from human relationships that realistically can only come from God. Because I am so secure in my salvation and relationship with God I've been fearless about making friendships I never would have with the IC mentality. One of my closest friends is a Unitarian and WHAT a model of love and acceptance she has been AND respectful and affirming of my walk with God, she is not the least threatened by our differences and we seem to worship the same amazing God. Another friend is a Russian man who left the Russian Old Believer culture and he has been so supportive during this transition time.
Sorry I talk so much - I guess these subjects run deep with me. Thought about this all nite - when we became part of our former denomination we were encouraged to separate from old friends and even family. We stopped participating in our local community. We learned to be judgemental of people's hearts by how they look, etc. And when we in honesty and integrity left that denomination 20 years later not one "friend" could keep "fellowshipping" with us. It was a hard awakening and we weren't guiltless, we'd bought in to all that. Now we see people not as threats to our souls, or as commodities to be used to make us feel good. And Aimee is so right - I now see my store checkers, gas pumpers,Dr's assts and secretaries etc as people I can connect with by noticing their name, "hugging" them with my words & facial expressions. I know how it feels to spend entire days in town and see no one who knows me. If I know how that feels, I know how to make others feel less alone. Fellowship.