The prayers of our heart

Share your experiences learning to live "In the Wild"
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AidaC
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The prayers of our heart

Post by AidaC »

I’ve heard Darin say that we often pray for something and then wonder why we don’t get it but the truth is that God answers the prayers of our heart and not necessarily the prayers of our mouth. I’ve discovered that sometimes we just don’t know what we want. We pray for something with fervency but then we get it only to discover that we really didn’t want it at all.

When I first heard Darin say that, I had a huge question mark in my head but recently, I’ve discovered the truth of what he said. I’ve always enjoyed teaching and speaking publicly but, since leaving the institutional system, the opportunities have dried up. I’ve now started helping a friend with a ministry she has to women and I’ve had opportunities to teach and discovered that while I enjoy it, I don’t want to do it on a regular basis. I like doing it occasionally but not as often as I thought I wanted to do it. I’m really enjoying helping with other aspects of the ministry that I can do in a more leisurely fashion and I like that.

Anyway, I’m starting to see that the things that were once very important to me no longer are as important. I believe my calling is being fine tuned so that I’m now focusing on the things that really give me the greatest pleasure and fulfillment and that’s good because I’m no longer so scattered.
"Smell the aroma of your union with Christ" - Andrew Farley
Jac
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Re: The prayers of our heart

Post by Jac »

What does "prayers of our hearts" actually mean. I think praying is meant to be communicating with God about what's important to us and where we are at. I find no place for asking for things and looking for answers. I believe if I really need something that God can do or give, that God as a loving Father will attend to it without waiting for me to ask in the right way or to get other people to ask for me. There are many things where there is some reason He can't intervene even though the outcomes are shattering or devastating. I don't see that God "does" everything in our lives for ultimate good. If hard things are for our character development or to make us stronger or teach us things I am God's undeveloped, weak, sixty year old slow learner! I think some things are just all bad and i think God doesn't mind me thinking so because He thinks so too. Why He can't intervene only He knows. I am sorry for being negative. I have been rebuked for that before and know I deserve it. (I don't see the cup half empty. I see it half full - of poison and I drank the other half!)
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AidaC
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Re: The prayers of our heart

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I think the prayers of our hearts are the deep longings and thoughts of our hearts. I’ve found that people sometimes don’t even know what they really want or what they need and their prayers are often prayers of confusion. I’m at a place in my life right now where I just trust that God will work things out for my best and I don’t stress as much if what I’m seeing doesn’t look like that. It may be years later, but when I look back at those situations in my life, I see all of the good that God brought out of it and I realize that ultimately it was good. At least, that’s how I now approach the circumstances of my life.

I understand where you’re coming from. Life just seems so unfair and cruel at times and I could easily get into wondering why God doesn’t intervene. However, the truth is I just don’t know and I may never know so I don’t focus on that. Instead, I focus on the fact that God loves me and I look for the good in all situations since I’ve learned that there’s always good.
Jac wrote:I think some things are just all bad and i think God doesn't mind me thinking so because He thinks so too.


I think God appreciates your honesty. It’s wonderful that you don’t pretend to believe something that you don’t so don’t worry. It’s much better to be honest than to put on the phony happy face. True relationship can only exist when we’re honest about what we believe and don’t try to hide behind a mask.
"Smell the aroma of your union with Christ" - Andrew Farley
Jac
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Re: The prayers of our heart

Post by Jac »

Thank you Aida for your kind reply. I am glad you have reached such a place of rest. I find my life too complicated and painful to believe good comes out of everything. I especially grieve for my family who all have such heartbreak for one reason or another. I guess I will eventually get there (not sure where "there" is for me though). Sometimes I feel that I just can't do it any more. Then I seem to battle on. But I am weary.
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Jac
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Re: The prayers of our heart

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Not meaning to be annoying but I need to know how I find good out of the death of a kind father when at a young age to be left with a cruel abusive mother.No it didn't make me a stronger better person - it just left me with confusion and deep unrelenting fear that i just can't do the mental gymnastics to get over. I can't see good in both my sons having schizophrenia unless I be grateful that they are not dead (yet). Maybe I have to learn to be content to not want anything better. I just feel that it is even wrong to not call bad what is just bad. Actually I cope better with that than with the guilt from thinking I have to find good or believe that there is good in everything when my mind just will not process some things that way.
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Jac
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Re: The prayers of our heart

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Thank you so much for your kind reply and being willing to share so honestly.I find great wisdom in all you have said. There is much there for me to think about. I think most of all I need to learn to deal with guilt. I can tell myself lots of answers but I can't make myself find solace. Each of us have our story and it is not a matter of comparing experiences but rather finding comfort in knowing someone understands and is willing to share honestly.

I was one of six children. My older brother "became a Christian" at 18 from a strict Catholic background. I followed a year or two later and then he did not find the answers he was looking for and had a "motorcycle accident" where he drove his bike full speed down the wrong side of the highway for some distance without swerving straight into a very big truck. Truck Driver was unhurt. He was very clever and would have had it all worked out. . I didn't actually put two and two together at the time, maybe because I didn't want to and I was immersed in the "Christian" interpretation that it was God's will etc. I went on to be enmeshed in the strict fundamentalist church we had joined and bringing my children up that way has done all four untold damage. I was very naive and was waiting all these years for God to work in some marvelous way. But we just went from bad to worse.

I don't look for pity. But somebody understanding makes such a difference. As I walk down the hard roads of life I waited for God to "hold my hand" but I think now maybe he gives us other people to help us find comfort and understanding instead.

I do think God feels my pain with me rather than fixing anything. I think that he makes himself completely vulnerable to our sorrows and I try to get consolidation from that. I came across a Led Zeppelin song "In the Light" at a particularly dark time and I imagine God singing it to me. Hope that doesn't seem silly. (There I go again - insecurity and fear. I do a lot of that these days. Thank you for your patience and caring.)
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AidaC
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Re: The prayers of our heart

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Jac wrote:As I walk down the hard roads of life I waited for God to "hold my hand" but I think now maybe he gives us other people to help us find comfort and understanding instead.
Speaking only for my personal experience, I believe God usually reveals his love and comfort for me through others. I don’t normally have a conscious “sense of his presence” other than the love I receive through people. When I stopped looking for a supernatural “sense of his presence,” it opened me up to the natural ways that he makes himself known to me.
Jac wrote: I do think God feels my pain with me rather than fixing anything. I think that he makes himself completely vulnerable to our sorrows and I try to get consolidation from that. I came across a Led Zeppelin song "In the Light" at a particularly dark time and I imagine God singing it to me. Hope that doesn't seem silly. (There I go again - insecurity and fear. I do a lot of that these days. Thank you for your patience and caring.)
That doesn’t sound silly at all. I think it sounds beautiful! I love the Bible verse that says God rejoices over us with singing so the song He sings to you fits this verse well.
"Smell the aroma of your union with Christ" - Andrew Farley
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